I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
