Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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