he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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