apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
