So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
