the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
