You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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