My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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