Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
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Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
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So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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