The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
