another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
