do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday