I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
