Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
