I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
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I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
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BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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