I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
