we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
