He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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