I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
