The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
