but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
