Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
