onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
