i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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