Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
