This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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