Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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