lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
