i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
