The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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