i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
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