What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
