Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
