I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
