I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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