just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
