listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
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I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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