my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
