Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Alive.
So much puke
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
ok first of all what the fuck
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
