Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
