I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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