I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
