I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
