I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
