did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
