I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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