I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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