Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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