This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
