remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
