he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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