you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
