Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
