he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
