Duck Duck Cougar?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
