dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
