I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
