Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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