Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
