don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
