this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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