I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
