I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
