I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I CAN MOONWALK!
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
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