Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
