how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
