So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
