this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
