So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
