evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
