1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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