Apparently you make a good broom.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
