She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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