kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
