Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
