the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
