If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
