Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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