brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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